Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Day 5, Wednesday- Eye protection is for sissies.

They always tell you to wear eye protection.

You know who they are. Assholes in well-lit studios rubbing sandpaper on a piece of wood like over-caffeinated Parkinson’s sufferers.

Well, here in the real world, we paint ceilings in dark little rooms with only the rhythmic thumping of an unevenly loaded paint roller to break the silence. In such confines, with the fumes building, the light fading, and the temperature rising you tend to just say “screw these stupid, fogged up, heavily scratched, uncomfortable, plastic pieces of shit.”

So you take them off and carefully toss them into the next room with enough force to leave a dent in the far wall. (The glasses, however, survived intact.)

Shortly thereafter, the ceiling- with amazing pigeon like accuracy- proceeded to release a single precious drop of paint.

Right. Into. My. Eye. Damn. Damn. Damn. Ow.

Little tip for people who might be dumb enough to read this for home repair advice- DO NOT RUB YOUR EYE!

Let me say that again: DO NOT RUB YOUR EYE!

After several obscenity laced minutes at the kitchen sink, I was able to see well enough to navigate through the house and go sit down for a moment or two. I grabbed a bottle of water and headed to the front porch.

Guess what wanders around in Astoria on lovely summer nights?

Tourists. Damn again.

As I sat quietly drinking my water an overly-khakied (Yay! New word!) individual stopped to make conversation. He seemed pleasant enough, but his timing was just flat awful.

He started with the obvious. “So, are you remodeling?” My guess is the paint, plaster, and pile of debris clued him in.

“Oh no, I’m restoring.”

“Ah- what is the difference?”

“Calling it restoring keeps the Historical Society off your ass.”

“What is the Historical Society?”

I grinned. “A local property-owner’s rights advocacy group.” With that, I waved good night, tossed the bottle into the junk pile and went back to painting.

With my safety glasses on.

Total costs: $335


At 6:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are such a dork. I think that the Safety Committee ought to impose a 24 hour safety glasses rule for you while doing your 'other job' too.

Keep up the good work. Loved the 'new word.'

At 10:34 AM, Blogger Tom said...

I'm wearing my glasses now- even as I type this.

Really, I mean it. I've learned my lesson.

OK, maybe not.

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Amma Ancy said...

"They" should also include your mom!! Dad, however, well let's say like father like son.

And stop running with scissors!

At 6:34 PM, Anonymous IZ said...

Heck, painting with goggles is for sissies. Of course, I've never had paint drop in my eye so I've not had any reason to. But then again, whenever I paint I wear the absolute dorkiest thing I can find... so it isn't about trying to be cool. Anyway - keep up the good work! (Both on blog and house!)

At 1:24 AM, Blogger Tom said...

Yes, but WalMart paint is embedded with pure evil. Every drop contains the ground bones of dead greeters which seek out your delicate occular tissue.

When painting with the paint of the damned, you better be protected.


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