Sunday, September 03, 2006

Past Due, Day 3, Saturday- Just Another Day

I spent the day cutting, painting, and installing trim. Lots of trim. Mind-numbing, soul-shattering amounts of trim. I had looked online and in books to see how houses like mine would have been trimmed and went from there.

The stuff is not fancy, but there typically is a tremendous amount of it. Measure, cut, paint, nail, caulk, paint, repeat.

But, the trim is done.

I also scrapped that nasty sticky diamond crap off the bathroom window. I had no idea at all why it was there. I peeled it away, applied liberal quantities of Goo-Gone and was left with a nice, clean window.

A short time later, I decided to use the facilities. I looked out my nice clean window at the street outside. One of the nice neighbor ladies waved to me.

She waved. While I was on the toilet.

I was a bit flustered. This was seriously embarrassing. Dear God, my pants are down and women are WAVING.

Better than laughing and pointing, I guess.

Anyway, I did the only thing I could think to do. I waved back. Then I stuck a half-sheet of half-inch thick HardiBacker in the window. It sat for a moment, then fell and hit me on the head.

Dazed and slightly hurt, I pushed the panel back up.

It fell and smacked me again. Back up it went, and this time I held it. “I do not want to die like Elvis.” I thought.

The panel continued to beat me about the head and shoulders while I buttoned up my jeans and concluded my business. Image how this looked yourself. The reality was probably worse.

So, now, after flashing the neighborhood, I know why the stuff was there. I bought a can of window frosting stuff. That should not happen again.

I am thankful for one thing- at least it wasn’t my wife that found out about it first.

About that time, the family returned from their fun-filled trip to somewhere exciting and new. They had eaten exotic foods and seen interesting new things, while I sat in the time sink and ate a peanut butter sandwich, an apple, and some cottage cheese.

OK, they went to Longview / Kelso and ate at Taco Bell because it has a really good playground.

Yeah, I made out better on that deal.

We all went home for dinner, and my wife made fresh fajitas. Why she made Mexican food after eating at a Taco Bell is beyond me. After dinner, it was time to head back.

Updated, slightly retouched photo of the wife.“I want to go help,” she announced.

“Cool. OK. Great. Let’s load up.”

“I need you to get the Yaffa blocks.”

“The Kafka blocks?” I asked.

Yaffa. Y-A-F-F-A blocks. You know, the things the kids toys go in.”

“Why?” I was a bit confused.

“So I can put them together,” she answered. “Then I can start bringing toys over.”

“I thought you were going to help me.”

“Yeah, that will keep the kids quiet.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I had visions of you painting the dining room, or touching up doors, or any other number of, well, ‘working on the house’ type things.”

“Fine. We’ll stay home.” She shot back.

"You know, this is going on the blog, right?"


So that was that. Back to the house with only a big white dog for company. When I got home, she was on the couch.

“What were you working on tonight?” She asked, smiling.

“Your stupid cabinet. You know, the one were the urinal stall should be.”

“If you really want a urinal, you can have one.”

I dropped everything in my hand and grabbed paper and a pen. I got this note. It reads:

I, slave Hubby’s overseer, hereby swear that he may put his little shrine to his penis (urinal) in the Master bath, after he builds it. –Wife.

Whoo! I get to put in a urinal! Right after I….. spend like $7,500 installing a dormer…. another $2,000 on a plumber…. probably another $4,500 on fixtures and materials….

HEY! She was using my man-toilet as bait. Comparatively cheap bait for a very expensive and time consuming project. I’ll show her. I’m keeping the note, and when I do build the upstairs bathroom I’m PUTTING IN THE URINAL!

If she lets me.

Total costs: $2,465


At 10:35 AM, Blogger Oregon Coast said...

Uh. You need to take that photo down. I do not look like that. You're using a photo on purpose that makes me look old and goofy.

This is no way to get a urinal.

At 12:31 PM, Anonymous abbienormal said...

No way to get a urinal or 'anything else' I would bet.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger Tom said...

OK, I replaced it with a better shot of you. I'll admit, I Photoshopped it a bit (just around the eyes.)


At 7:58 PM, Anonymous abbienormal said...

You can be such an a-hole, Tank. I'm reserving a spot for you in that special upcoming "training"......


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