Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Imminent Cranial Explosion

Stupid sinus infection is kicking my arse. I’ve got the headache, the congestion, and the wonderful feeling of an imminent cranial explosion.

I’ve had a few of these infections in my day. Growing up in farm lands (almonds!) taught me to recognize this fairly easily.

I felt pretty crappy today, so I hung out at home and slept (yeah NyQuil!)

My wife, obviously trying to kill me, came home from running errands and suggested- get this- shoving a Q-Tip with rubbing alcohol up my nose until it hits the sinus.

She got this suggestion from someone who is obviously either sadistic or mentally ill. Probably both.

Rather than impale my face on cottony softness, I drug my sorry butt off the couch and did what any miserable, pathetic, wretch with an abnormal and irrational fear of doctors (keep that finger to yourself!) would do. I looked up “sinus infection” on the internet.

Holy–Capital-Letter-Shit.

A sinus infection can eat your damn brain. Really.

…it is possible for sinus infection to cause a direct extension of infection into the brain, creating a life threatening emergency.
Arrrrgh! Quick, check another site! Like one from the National Institutes of Health! They’re the Government! They won’t be into fear-mongering!

Let see what they say:

Although very rare, complications that may arise include:
  • Osteomyelitis -- infection that spreads to the bones in the face
  • Meningitis -- infection that spreads to the brain
  • Orbital cellulitis -- infection that spreads to the area surrounding the eye
  • Abscess
  • Blood clot
Son. Of. A. Bitch. I’m going to die.

This thing can eat my face! Or my eyes! Abscesses! Shit! I’ll be a blind, faceless, snot-laden wreck with a brain infection! That is so not going to look good in the coffin.

My Mom was right! Boogers can kill your dumb ass. I should have blown my nose!!!!

I’m doomed!

Seriously, the worst part? It typically lasts 10-14 days, although 28 days is not uncommon. Damn. Better get some meds.

9 Comments:

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Oregon Coast said...

It's "imminent."

And it was STEVE who suggested the Q-Tip, please don't kill the messenger. It sounded very painful to me!

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Tom said...

Fixed. Stupid spell check.

Steve is a sadist. You told me, however.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger PAgent said...

As a father who was gifted with chronic sinus infections after the birth of his first child, I have YEARS of experience treating them and learning to fend them off.

The BEST treatment short of antibiotics is irrigation with warm hypertonic saline. You can google "irrigation" "hypertonic" "saline" and "nasal" for a variety of recipes and methods.

When I feel an attack of sinusitis coming on, I start irrigating 3 times a day, and taking an expectorant and a decongestant. I haven't needed antibiotics in more than 6 years.

 
At 4:07 PM, Blogger curmudgeon said...

Yeah, typical 10-14 days? My ass. More like MINIMUM 10-14 days.
I finally got over mine I caught during the last week of October!

Doctors be damned!

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger Miss Sassy said...

Just when I start to think you might do things the easy way... just get a cold, snot on some servers, and blow your nose on the neighbor kid at the wee one's bday party, you go and make it all complicated and deadly.
Don't try any housework this week, ok? Don't want you trying to dislodge your sinuses via falling off the roof hanging lights or some random shit.

 
At 12:41 AM, Blogger East of Oregon said...

uggh - I had the flu and know that kinda stuff is just awful.. take care:)

 
At 11:21 PM, Blogger Jaggy said...

I hope you feel better soon! And thank you so much for the link on your blog. I appreciate the traffic that links over from your page (especially that squirrel one... odd). Take care.

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger oldfart said...

Stop crying and suck it up you big baby.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Miss Sassy said...

Hate to be a bother... but with this as your last post and it being nearly a week since we've heard from you, I've got nothing but sinus infection as the cause of death on my mind... please, "I'm still sick, leave me alone" would cure my case of the WhatIf/WorryForNoReason syndrome.

 

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